Posted by tonywonder in 2010 | 0 Comments
Chickenpiece Theater, Vol. 1: Animal Crackers
Animal Collective: Daily Routine; Slippi
(Animal Collective are going on tour again. To commemorate this momentous event, here’s Issue 1 of Seizure Chicken’s newest ongoing column, Chicken Piece Theater.)
/// ISSUE 1 \\\
COLLECTIVE: …if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!
RADIOHEAD: your intricate polyrhythms, evocative shifting harmonies and endless replay value nearly had us fooled!
ROSS: might I mention how my prior experience as a correctional institute officer was the buffalo sauce on the chicken wings of this investigation?
SPILL: did he just say that?
(UNASSUMING SECRETARY hides CHICKEN WINGS)
RADIOHEAD: tell us again what you’re guilty of!
ANIMAL COLLECTIVE: you know how during our live shows we play our songs on sampler pedestals?
SPILL: of course.
RADIOHEAD: of course.
ROSS: (tearing self away from suckling pig) …of course.
ANIMAL COLLECTIVE: each one of those was a portable meth lab.
SPILL: ah-HA!
RADIOHEAD: but why?
ANIMAL COLLECTIVE: it was only through secret meth labs that we could fill a room full of meth smoke, make sounds, manufacture critical consensus, and rule the world!
(RADIOHEAD, SPILL are in the ROSS FAMILY KITCHEN.)
RICK ROSS: (emerges from RUMPUS ROOM buttoning GIANT PANTS) you two are a hell of a couple investigators, and you’re welcome back in Miami anytime.
SPILL: …I hear the warden is a real asshole!
(All onstage DISSOLVE INTO LAUGHTER; star wipe to credits)
